For two months I had no internet. I got the run around from my previous provider, and it was frustrating, but finally – yay internet!!
I’ve been too far away from my keyboard doing what I actually like to do (I would mostly do homework and surf aimlessly on the web to avoid doing homework when I did have some access). Oh, and happy 2017. More to come.
Just a quick thought : there are people who are in my life that insist that if I would only do “this”, then I would be good to go. They insist that I change. They dig into my faults and weaknesses, and just as Scripture says they have a log in their eye and thus they cannot see clearly to remove the speck that is in mine. They tell me that it’s as easy as 1,2,3, and they probably think that I’m lazy and lame. That is okay. I will not be held accountable for their thoughts toward me, I will be held accountable for my own. So, will I believe the devil and the people he has sent, or will I believe God’s word? I have a choice. True, lasting change, is not easy. It’s simple, but it is hard work. Entering the rest of Christ is easy. You believe, you’re in – but abiding takes work. You have to fight for the intimacy that is yours in Christ, and it is a good fight of faith. Intimacy with God is a gift, a good gift from the Father of Lights. We must embrace the fact that positive change will take time, effort, planning, and people. We need a support system cheering us on as we run the race – not cheerleaders. We need people to pray with us and walk with us sometimes. Intimacy is not easy. You will be attacked, but the trials and tribulations and attacks that come your way to dissuade you from pursuing God will actually make you stronger if you continue on the path to righteousness. So, you want to change? Great. Get to work. You’re being made new every day as you spend time with the Father. You are whole and being made whole. You are loved and you are becoming love. You are going from glory to glory and from victory to victory. You are a winner, and winning is never an easy road. Ask Usain Bolt, or Michael Phelps, or Serena Williams. Change will come. Just be patient with yourself and trust in the timing and creative hands of God to continue to shape you into the image of Christ. Ignore the people whose log-clouded eyes only see your faults and not the progress you have made. They have change that needs to happen in their lives, but they’d rather ignore their own problems by putting a magnifying glass on yours.
Jesus is our husband???What??? Just kidding.Now, the reason this scenario of Jesus being our spouse made me feel uncomfortable at first was because when I think of the word “husband”, I think of my own husband, Grant Gustin (that was a joke, but you’re not allowed to laugh during this serious post). A husband, in the worldly sense, is supposed to be our sole lover and provider. In the spiritual sense, husband means so much more. As we know, Christ’s relationship with the church is compared to that of a groom and a bride. We, Christians, are the bride/body of Christ. In Scripture it says that a man should love his wife as he loves his own body/himself – just as he would never want harm to come to himself, so he should never want harm to come to her either. It’s pretty straightforward. The love of God is something the world will never understand – He puts it in human terms that we are like His wife whom He loves, but in actuality, it is a far greater love than that – and that’s why the world can’t understand it. Love between a man and a woman and their ultimate marriage is one of the pervading themes in books, movie, and entertainment in general. The public is enthralled by this phenomena, and that is why as the definition of what love changes, the love of God becomes even harder to understand for the general population. In our culture today, romantic love can be between two men, two women, several people, etc. The love of God and the only kind of romantic love that He approves of is between a man and a woman who love Him above all and love each other ; this love causes them to commit to each other before man and God legally, and spiritually (marriage). Any other kind of romantic love is below the high standard that God has set – even the love between a Christian man and woman who love each other but have put God in second place. Ouch!
And see, if they don’t love God with everything they are, if they don’t know God who is Love itself, then how can they truly love anyone? They won’t love well. Their love will be like a cheap chocolate bar, tasting of chocolate, but never reaching the richness and quality of the real deal. We love our cheap imitations – they cost us nothing! But the love of God will cost us everything. It is sacrificial, eternal, powerful, and it’s the only type of love that can change this world.
Back to what I was trying to say, Christ being our husband is not a weird thing. Once again, we must take off the eye fluff of the world and see clearly. Even the definition of “religion” has been changed to suit man’s tastes. Religion, true religion is found in James : Christian faith + action (helping widows and orphans,etc.) = religion. So what does the term “husband” truly mean What is that supposed to look like? If I could find another word to use, I would. The definition of what a husband is has changed so much. A husband is supposed to be a man that will lay down everything for you. He is a man that puts you first and loves you with all that he is. He supports you emotionally, and physically. YOU are his top priority (God first of course). No other woman, no family, no occupation ever comes before you because you are his wife. If you both were starving and he came across some food, he’d let you eat first. When you’re sick, he’s going to take care of you. He’s going to make sure you’re clothed, and fed, and that he meets all of your needs. That’s a husband. Nowadays people get married for sexual compatibility, attraction, wealth, worldly love that can ultimately wear off, convenience, class…do you see what shaky foundations these are? Our bodies change as we age. Our sex drive is not going to be the same, there’s menopause, there may be some sexual activities you’re no longer going to enjoy, and there may be seasons where there will not be as much time for sex as there was before. Some people end their marriage after the “spark” (passion and lust confused with love) is gone.
God’s marriage to us is even longer than til death do us part, He will be with us in our eternal life too. His Holy Spirit is the only ring that won’t come off and fall into the sink – but of course ,you have to do your part and wear the ring. Don’t treat it like Saul or Ananias and Saphira did! And the things He knows about us, the deep things, even we and our husbands (if I had a husband) do not know! I sure don’t know how many hairs are on my head, or when I was conceived, or what my first words were. That’s how intimate God is with us, more intimate than we are with our parents and spouses – my mom probably doesn’t remember the first picture I drew, and after I’ve been married for 50+ years, my husband will not remember the shirt I wore when we first met. But God will – He even knows where I bought the shirt!
He created us, gave us life, put breath in our lungs, fashioned our personalities, our eyes, legs, noses, ears, hearts. He’s been more involved in our lives that anyone else has. He hears the deepest desires in our hearts, and as Christians His Holy Spirit in us makes us closer to Him than anyone else. The world only knows the intimacy, and closeness of sex which was reserved only for married people. They worship that intimacy, and they worship the sex thinking that it is one of the highest pleasures in life – not everyone thinks this, but it is perpetuated through everything we see. However, the opportunity we have to know God is higher than that, deeper than that, and much more intimate. There isn’t a proper term, no real word to describe this kind of closeness in the English language. If there was a word for it then I believe it’d be even more sacred than the term “Yahweh”. The only other term I can think of which would be so fitting is “Emmanuel”. God with us, Yahweh with us, forever. No longer just knowing about God, but God being with us in everything and being everything that we are.
Please read Psalm 139 🙂
Over it Finally, I can say that I’m over it. Everyone will suffer pain in this life. Everyone. It’s time to stop pretending that other people’s pain is less than yours and that they’re just whining. It’s time to stop whining about your pain, and accept the lot you’ve been given in life, and move on from there. Be as bold as a lion – move on! Even if I have the worst of circumstances , I am still loved by a relentless, kind, loving, gentle, firm, beautiful God. And even if I was someone else, He would love me the same. But I am not someone else, I am me. And God didn’t make a mistake when He made me. The enemy will always try to attack and disfigure humanity, and divide them into categories, and have some think that they are better than others. Some have cerebral palsy, some have down syndrome, some have scoliosis or other health issues, but that will never ever affect the beautiful job God did in creating humanity. He made some brown, beige, tan, gold, pale, some more prone to gain weight in certain areas that others, etc. I am not advocating obesity or being overweight ; no matter our shape or size, it is important that we take care of our temples because He so carefully knit us together in our mother’s womb – the least we could do is be a good steward over the body He has given us (with all of that said, I still have a long way to go).
He made us all beautiful, and a beautiful God as vast as He is, made all sorts of beautiful things and people that do not look the same, but they project the same image of God. I was born to two Ghanaian parents in America and so with my American accent, people will call me “Black” or “African-American”. That’s fine. Some will find me attractive because of my skin tone and others will find me repulsive because of it. Some people will think I’m alright, cute, ugly, pretty, beautiful, or something else altogether. That is okay. I am okay with that now. I wasn’t before.
There may be men that I will be attracted to that will never look my way because of my skin tone, and that’s okay. There may be jobs I won’t get because of my skin tone and my name – even rental properties. That is fine! Earth is not my final destination, heaven is. Until I get to heaven, people will still discriminate against me for numerous reasons other than the ones I have listed, and that is okay. I must carry my cross. Everyone has one. Everyone has to suffer. Nick Vuijic has no arms and no legs and he carries his cross beautifully. He decided that he was going to live, and stop putting limits on himself because of his appearance and as a result, he has put me and many others to shame! He lives a life of worship to God by enjoying the life God has given to him.
I love God and I want God, and He is the only friend I ever need. I do appreciate and love the people that He has strategically placed in my life for friendship and fellowship, but if it weren’t for Him, this whole race issue would have torn me apart. It was tearing me apart. I just felt so insecure. My hair isn’t straight like the women in the movies and magazines. My skin isn’t light like theirs, my teeth aren’t straight and white, and I don’t have a six-pack. I’m not skinny, and I don’t have a small nose or mouth. I’ve even had little kids comment about these parts of me that God made, and it was hurtful. I was also frustrated with the fact that I do want to be in a relationship with a Christian man, but it felt as if Christian men were acting like the world was : looking for women with the gift of beauty in the church regardless of whether they were walking with Christ or not, and overlooking women (like me) in the church that are not perfect looking, but are hungry for God. It felt like a dagger or a sword in the heart. And every week I’m reminded of the fact that I’m single, but I refuse to be in a relationship with just anyone and compromise what I believe for someone who can only offer me shallow love. So I repent. I’m changing the way I think. Hate me, or love me, that does not affect my final resting place. One day I will meet someone who loves me like Christ loves the church – not someone who loves me because I look good to them or because they have a strange fantasy about who I am supposed to be based on stereotypes they have been exposed to. I’m over it. I’ll be working on my blog, working out, spending more time with God, and hopefully ministering to teens soon. I have so much to look forward to and be joyful for, and if there is someone who wants to share in this joy with me then they are welcome to. I am looking for a lifelong partner who is a lifelong Christian – anything else is unacceptable. Ladies, and gents, let’s fellowship with the Lord and each other and focus on the gifts and relationships He’s given us. Let’s make a joyful noise to Him and glorify Him with our gifts. Take off those worldly glasses. You were fearfully and wonderfully made, shaped by, breathed into, and sung over by the one and only amazing God. And He died for you because you are worth more to Him than His own life. So stop. Stop looking at all the flaws God put upon you for His glory as an excuse to get some sort of surgery or skin cream for – I’m preaching to myself. One day, I hope to wear a makeup-free face and proudly show off the birthmark on my right cheek. I’m sure people in the dark will tell me that I need to put on some more makeup so that I don’t look so plain, but makeup or not, white or black, God’s excessive love for me is enough.
I’m going to be talking about knowing your value sometime in the next few weeks. Stay tuned! Your value doesn’t go down every time someone doesn’t find you attractive, or when you don’t do a great job at work. It doesn’t plummet when you don’t get your homework done. It stays the SAME!! We allow so many things to knock us down or knock the wind out of us, but it doesn’t change the fact that the Holy Spirit lives in us. It doesn’t change the fact that God has a calling on our lives and has given us gifts to glorify Him. Take your head out of the cloud of stupid. The cloud of stupid is where we hide and feel sorry for ourselves. Just stop!! The only thing that has changed is that our ego is a little bruised, or our self-esteem has taken a hit. Even when our self-esteem is low, God esteems us as dear to His heart. Stand up, and take your head out of the cloud. Breathe.
So what? You’re not 6’5. You don’t have straight teeth. You don’t have perfect hair – so what?? God didn’t set these standards of bondage over us. I used to think that I would only see myself as beautiful after I had checked off some of the world’s beauty standards off of my list.Six pack? Check. Long hair? Check. It doesn’t matter if at the end of my pursuit for beauty, I look like Angelina Jolie or Kylie Jenner. That won’t make me a better person – it may make carnal men look my way, men who passed me by before when I was plain jane. And when carnal men look your way , run! If they failed to see the gold in you prior to your physical transformation, why should they enjoy the fruit of your company? A repentant man will admit that yes, he overlooked you, and regrets it, but a man after his own pleasure justifies his disrespect of you by saying that it was your fault that he didn’t see you. You weren’t as cute as you are now. Like I said, run! You want a man that sees you now. I asked the Lord in my head for a man that loves me for who I am, and is in love with me – and I heard the word,”Jesus.” He is that man. We can’t run away from that truth. He sees the end from the beginning. In the middle of your trial when people overlooked you or ran in the other direction, He was there and His love for you never changed. He saw you when no one thought you would become the somebody you are today! Why look for true eternal love among mere mortals? Look higher! Having a desire for a husband is fine as long as God is giving you that desire, because He will also orchestrate things and bring it to pass. But if He’s not, the be loved by Him. Be loved by Him until you become the woman that loves herself and her God deeply and unconditionally – and then go out and love your neighbor, and then your husband, and then your children. In that order. It is the love that you have for others that will give the man of God who is supposed to become one with you the boldness to pursue you. I think a lot of men become afraid of pursuing a woman because they are sure they will face rejection from her. If this is caused by past hurt, ask God to heal you. If this is caused by the fact that you know what it is she likes and dislikes, and how she sees others like you then maybe you need a reality check : she might not be for you. I recorded an audio talking about this very thing. Don’t go after the chica who you KNOW will reject you because she’s shallow. If she’s shallow and attractive then realize that you’re not any better – you’re pining after her because your eyes like what you see, and she’s rejecting you because doesn’t like what she sees. That’s two sides to the same coin. I’ve seen it, and both ends of the spectrum disgust me because neither person is seeing things through the eyes of wisdom and love. They’re using their flesh as the binoculars through which they view life! The truth hurts because it’s the only thing that can cause growth, and growth hurts.
Blog posts coming soon! I’ve just got to let my author friend and other friends review what I write to make sure that it’s palatable for you all. I like word vomit more than I should… forgive me. Mwah!!! I don’t even kiss my family members – that should let you know how important you all are to me. Then again, my audience is currently non-existent so maybe I’m just crazy. 🙂 Time will tell 🙂 😉